I am sitting at a picnic table near a beautiful lake in Minnesota with a cool breeze blowing. The sun is just beginning to dip below the western skies. Karen is just behind me, writing in her journal. The peace and calm is overwhelming, and complete. I could not be happier. But there are people I am missing.
Today is Father’s Day, a day when we remember our fathers. But to be honest, I don’t put much stock in the name, “father”. I prefer Dad. Why? What’s the difference? Well, any man can father a child. It takes little effort and no real commitment to be a father.
But to be a dad, that takes a lot more. And you don’t need to be a father to be a dad.
I miss my dad every day, but especially so today. I don’t know why, because we never really did anything big for Father’s Day. But I suppose that a day set aside to remember our dads just hits differently. My dad was not a perfect man. Nor was he always right, or acting the right way. He was flawed, as we all are. But he showed me how to be a good husband and how to be a good father. A dad. And there will always be a hole where in my heart he once occupied.
And I have another dad I never got a chance to meet. Karen’s parents passed away before we met. All I know of her father are pictures and stories, and it doesn’t seem fair. I want to meet him. I want to hear his voice, telling me of the little shit Karen was as a child. He loved to fish, and I would give anything to have had the chance to go with him. I know he loved a good martini, so I raised one in his memory tonight.
But I wish there could be more.
What I do know is that James (aka Jimmy, The Jammer) would have indeed been my dad. We would have gotten along great! And I hope he would have seen the love I have for his daughter and been happy. I would have been proud to call him Dad, because “dad” has nothing to do with being a father. It has everything to do with love. And his love lives in Karen, and I see it every single day. Cheers, Jammer!
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